I Don't Know You
by TenshiNanashi
Summary: Hodges has a dark past and wants a nice future...does Nick? Warning: little story involving mentions of death, slash, swearing, sex. pre& NickHodges don't ask where it came from cause I don't know. blame helenaeternal. First CSI fic so be nice. Unbetaed.
1. See Me Alone

I Don't Know You series  
Disclaimer: I own the plot...nothing else.

Dark circles were under his eyes, his clothes were in disarray, skin far too pale, and his body shook slightly as he sat there. The coffee in his cup was cold and gritty and he had not even taken more then a single drink. He stared at the television screen unseeing, haunted, and dead to the world. Somehow, the usually cruel and sarcastic man looked like a puppy that had been kicked but only if one were to look and see.

"A haunting echo of the Los Angeles case handled not too long ago. A bright young CSI snatched from a bogus crime scene and tortured. It is a blessing that Nick Stokes did not die as Jacob Banks did."

The hand holding the styrofoam cup clenched as the reporter went on, coffee splashed onto his pant leg and the floor of the staffroom but he hardly even cared. All he could see was the conjured image of Nick lying on a cold slab of metal like Jake; pale, unmoving, having lost all that made him real. The vision was too much for him to bear.

He fled the room, as others continued watching the news. He bitched about the crappy coffee that had just most likely ruined his favorite pair of pants because it was expected and because it helped him to escape relatively unnoticed. No one cared if a complaining Hodges left for the men's room because he had just annoyed them by saying that the CSI who had made the coffee was an incompetent fool.

He got to the men's room before breaking down, before his pain could not be held in, and he dropped to the floor sobbing. Those reporters…bunch of damn vultures had dug up Jake, tarnishing whatever happy memories he had had of his lover. They could not let him keep his metal walls around himself, would not let him pretend that he wasn't hurting; because they needed something to keep the news of Nick's kidnapping interesting and fresh. He cried for them because he hated and pitied them, he cried for Jake who died doing the job he loved, for Nick who had to live with what had been done to him, and for himself who had become someone bitter and cruel…someone who nobody liked or was concerned about.

He cried until he had no more tears then taking a few deep breaths, he stood going over to the sink and splashing cool water onto his face. This was not the best place to have a break down, but oh well…he had done it. Now all he needed to do was to force himself back out there and into his work. After all, it would not look good if Hodges: snarky asshole extraordinaire started acting like a wilted flower. People would assume something was wrong if he wasn't up to his usual rudeness.

Dragging himself back to work was easier then he expected; he slipped right into his normal routine and was still making cruel remarks by the time his shift ended. No one knew that he had been crying in the bathroom about Jake and Nick and his life. None of them knew that he had loved Jake Banks or that he was drawn to Nick. No one truly saw him but he did not think he needed them to…he preferred to be unseen. He preferred to be alone.

tbc


	2. Little Things

The fussy (please call me Joyce) nurse was moving around the room when he woke. She was tidying up after having just checked his vitals and was softly singing the love song from Cinderella, although the term singing was used very loosely in her case.

Some days he wondered why he even bothered to wake up and face the day; this was shaping up into one of those days. He was being punished, he knew it…should have gone to church all those Sundays that his mother had begged his 'heathen self' to, but damn if he'd only have known this was to be his end… God, please make it stop, because he was sure his ears would start bleeding if it continued.

"Oh, you're awake! There was a man in here earlier…he left you some gifts on the table here."

Nick sighed in relief, she wasn't singing anymore. He looked at the table and saw some flowers, a bottle of wine, and Hershey's chocolate. He frowned slightly as he wondered who might have left it for him.

"There's a note." Nurse Joyce beamed at him.

"Can you get it for me please?"

"Sure can do, sweetheart."

A small card was carefully pulled from between the stems of the flowers and then handed to Nick as he reached forward for it. The card was one of those cheap little to-from notes that were about the size of a post-it note. Hmm, maybe Greg?

"Flowers to brighten your day. Wine to numb your pain. Chocolate to heal your…soul." Nick slowly read out loud after having won the fight with the sticky envelope for its contents.

Something in him hummed to life after reading the heartfelt message. Someone had obviously taken a lot of time to find out his favorite flowers, wine, and chocolate. To find out all the little things that a lover should know. That same someone had then spent time writing a note that made him want to smile and cry at the same time. Whoever it was had touched him deeply and he wanted, needed to know who had done it.

"Okay so maybe not Greg…" He turned to the nurse with desperation in his eyes. "You saw who left this?"

"Yes, sad fellow…rushed in, left the gifts, and took off just as quickly. I didn't even get the chance to ask for a name. Should have though; maybe he has a straight brother who would write to me like that."

Nick glanced at the swooning nurse for a second before trying to decide if any of his coworkers could have done this for him. The note was handwritten and kind of hard to read… Where had he seen this writing before?

"No use dwelling." Nurse Joyce sighed forlornly as she messed with his IV, "All the good ones are married or gay. Oh well, might as well go home and get some rest. My shift ended a little bit ago, but I wanted to know what you thought of the gifts."

He watched her go with a small smile. She was right; maybe sleep wasn't a bad idea after all. He yawned tiredly and leaned back. He was asleep before his head even hit the pillow, such is the miracle of intravenous drugs given by sneaky nurses.

He sat straight up in the night with wide eyes and an open mouth. He had dreamed about the time he was handed back evidence with a snarky hand written note from Hodges.

Wait, that couldn't be right… Hodges? How could the man who could drive Nick up the wall possibly be the same man who had written the letter that had touched his heart?

"I don't know why or if he even did it but I'm going to find out."

tbc 


	3. Justifiable Homicide

"Are you even listening to me?"

He looked up at Jacqui with tired eyes, "No."

"Why the heck am I talking to you then?"

"I don't know. I was just about to ask you to stop."

"Well fine, be that way." She huffed and stalked off to find some other victim to bemoan life with.

He went back to Warrick Brown's evidence with a shake of his head, women were the reason he was gay. Women were just too everything; too loud, too moody, too easy, to judge mental, too happy, and too committed.

"So…are you going to go see Nick?"

He glanced up at Greg in annoyance; Brown's evidence was never going to be processed, at this rate.

"Why?"

"Cause everyone else has already gone and you could, you know, talk to him alone or something."

He sighed, Greg was never very good at acting casual, and it was obvious that the ex-lab rat was trying to be casual. This was just another reason why Greg Sanders was making him consider being a eunuch instead of a homosexual.

"Don't you have some crime scene to pee in or something?"

Greg blinked blankly before his shoulders dropped in realization, "Man, one time and you're branded for life."

"Do you need something?"

"Naw, just thought I'd stop by and-"

He quickly cut him off as Warrick entered the room, "Bother me. I know."

"No, that's not…" Greg noticed the CSI present and winced, "Oh, hi Warrick, I was just going to go and ask Catherine about the casino case."

Greg's inability to be casual reasserted itself and he almost groaned as the idiot tripped over a chair on his way out.

"I'm okay."

He smirked, "Yeah…right."

Greg exited with a glare and what little of his dignity he had retained.

Warrick shook his head and turned to Hodges. "Got my results?"

"Yes, seeing as the walking disaster, that is Sanders, wasn't just in here distracting me from getting anything done." Pause. "Oh, that's right…he was just in here."

"Look, just page me when you have them, okay?"

He pretended to be too busy to answer the other man and waited until he heard the door slam before he dropped what he was doing and slouched in his chair. He was so tense he could have sworn that he had accidentally left the coat hanger in his shirt… He patted at his back when he thought no one was looking through the glass. Nope, no hanger, just really tense muscles. He sighed in relief.

"Now, about Nick…" Devilish smile. "I was thinking, you could grill me about what he likes and-"

He idly wondered if it would be considered justifiable homicide if he strangled Greg to death. No, probably not, but it would almost be worth it just too finally be rid of the pest. Almost.

Thunk. Thunk. Thunk.

"Now, Hodges, hitting your head on the table isn't going to help you with Nick."

tbc 


	4. Noticing Notice

Nick had played it cool when he got back to work. He put the whole Hodges thing to the back of his mind until Catherine made a comment about Hodges dating a woman. His mind had gone blank and he had sat there feeling slightly jealous. Hodges…straight, there was no possibility, none whatsoever that the man was not gay or at least bi. The whole falling-asleep-in-the-lab episode meant nothing to Nick, Hodges had claimed dreams about a woman, but Nick was almost positive that one of those breathy sighs sounded like his name. Straight, ha!

"What's up with you, man?"

He looked up at Warrick for a second in annoyance, "Nothing."

"No. Something's up…you have been distracted the last couple of days. You want to talk about it?"

"No."

"Well, I'm here if you do."

Nick smiled tightly, "I know. Thanks."

"No problem."

Great, even Warrick had noticed his mind's preoccupation with Hodges' sexual orientation. It would really tick Nick off if Hodges turned out to be uninterested. It would be his luck though if a straight man had written something that made him fall in lo… No, he could not finish that thought, not until he had some clue as to whether Hodges was into him.

It was odd that Nick felt a compulsion to speak with a man that he was beginning to think he did not really know. He wanted to find out why the other man kept falling asleep in the lab and whether it had anything to do with him. He selfishly wished Hodges liked him, wanted him. He needed something, anything, and his patience had just run out.

"Hey Hodges, I hear you're dating someone?"

He had tried for a casual drawl but he is not sure if he hit the mark with that one. He thought that it might have come out sounding a bit jealous.

"Not that it's any of your business, but no; I am not…apparently making dinner for me and a bunch of her girlfriends doesn't count as a date."

"Oh. Good."

Hodges looks confused, "You think it's good that I'm not dating anyone?"

"No!" Nick stops and tries again, slower and less loud. "No, I'm just saying that it's good that you're taking it so well."

"Oh. Yeah, she wasn't really my type. Physically yes, but mentally…"

"You, uh, like smart women?"

"I generally like my dates to at least know what C21H23NO5 means."

Nick stared blankly at him for a second. "You usually do Heroin on your dates?"

"No, I just think they should know what that means. And I do not want to know how you know that."

He rolled his eyes at Hodges speculative look. "I went to college, you know."

"Oh. Riiight."

"I did! Graduated with a B.S. in Criminal Justice from Texas A&M."

"And they did a ton of Heroin down there?"

Nick shook his head and began to wonder why he'd even gone to see Hodges anyways.

"Whatever, Hodges."

Hodges' mouth opened and closed again as Nick walked passed him and out the glass door. Nick thought that he could feel Hodges' forlorn gaze on his back as he left, but he could've been imagining it. Still…it was enough of an incentive for him that he knew he would attempt to talk to the other man again soon.

tbc 


	5. Survival of the Fittest

His head hurt and he wanted an aspirin. His neighbors were doing the horizontal tango again and he could not really sleep with all the banging --literally-- going on. God, he hated newly weds. Why couldn't they do what every normal person did in Vegas and get a hotel room? No, wait, they'd explained that to him right before they propositioned him; apparently getting the apartment next to his was cheaper then getting a hotel room.

Over exaggerated gasp, "Ooooh God."

"Fuck!" Manly grunt. "Harder!"

All right, now he'd had it! It was bad enough when the Canadian newly weds were only bouncing the headboard back into his wall, now they were making noises that came straight from a trashy smut novel. He liked his new neighbors, they were a couple of very nice men, but he didn't need to hear what he had said no to…it was cruel.

"Yeah, there." Mewling, "Yes!"

"That's just it." Dave muttered as he threw on some clothes.

He didn't want to have to leave for work so early but it was a matter of life or death, survival of the fittest, and he knew he wouldn't survive another few hours of the porn industries greatest sexscapades. He just couldn't understand why they were able to continue having good, pornographic sex for so long. What did they like stock up on potent Viagra or something? No one should be able to get it up so many times in only one night, it wasn't normal, and he could safely say it probably wasn't very healthy.

"Niiiick!"

He froze in the doorway, thinking of his coworker --talk about your bad, evil entity given coincidences-- and unable to move as a shock ran through his body. Great, now he was hard, he still had a headache, and his day had only just begun.

"Hodges, what are you doing here so early?"

Dave blinked at Greg for a minute before realizing that he had made it to the lab. "My neighbors are porn stars."

"Well that explains everything."

He looked up tiredly at Greg, "They kept me up all night and-"

"Oh hi, Nick…" Greg winced then chuckled nervously.

Dave tensed as he turned to see an expressionless Nick Stokes in the doorway.

"Hi Greg, ready for shift to begin?"

"Yeah. I, uh, I have to go now and…yeah."

Dave watched as Greg --chicken shit-- left the tension filled room in a hurry. He sighed and turned to see Nick staring at him searchingly. It was as if the man expected some kind of explanation. He didn't have an explanation; he couldn't think when his head hurt, and he could probably use his penis to hammer in nails.

"I have a headache and the hard on from hell is back again." He blurted out hurriedly.

Nick blinked. Once, twice, and sputtered endearingly before getting control back. "Headache, right… I have some aspirin."

Dave took the pills that Nick had fished out of his wallet --valiantly ignoring the condom-- and popped a few into his mouth muttering, "Thanks."

"Now, about this hard on from hell…"

Dave choked when he saw the feral look on Nick's face and swallowed dryly, "Wha?" but no, he did not just squeak.

tbc... 


	6. Massage

Nick grinned widely, "I could help-"

Grissom's voice cut him off from the doorway, "Nick, I need you and Warrick to take on the Mather's case."

Hodges froze and turned around swiftly, trying to look busy, but only looking put out.

Nick turned his head slightly, sighing in frustration, "Okay, Grissom. In a second."

Grissom nodded and was gone, leaving behind the same feeling he had gotten when his mother had caught him with his hands down his pants.

"I'll be back later."

Hodges nodded, still vainly attempting to seem busy, and still failing miserably at it. Nick could literally feel the man's emotions, they rolled of in such strong waves, and he could drown in them if not careful. The mournful look cast in his direction, as he moved to leave, was undeniably like public breakups and scalding hot stream and being trapped in that coffin all at once, and he vowed to himself that he would return after the case was solved.

Later, when it was found that the Mather man had killed himself by accident in a bid for attention, Nick returned to the lab where Hodges' was still working. He could see Hodges' shoulders and neck were tensed, and he had a surprising thought about massaging all those worries away… Well, why the hell not?

He slowly approaches the unsuspecting lab tech from behind and places his hands on Hodges' shoulder, rubbing at them gently, and enjoying the shudder from the other man. He can feel the heat and tense muscles underneath his fingertips, not even the cloth barrier can prevent that, and it seems almost unbearably intimate.

"Guh…" is the only sound Hodges makes.

He moves his hands to the especially tense muscles and applies harder pressure to the knots in the Trapezius, moans come from the rigid man underneath his hands, and all he can think is that this is David, not Hodges. He imagines that somehow, in this very room, something had changed about them. Hodges to David, coworker to…

"David…" He leans forward, breath dancing across David's ear.

"Huh?"

He smiles at the dazed look on David's face. God, he can't stop thinking the name, now that he can, David, David, David…

His palms dance over the Teres Major and Minor as they head towards the Latissimus dorsi. He kneads the flesh there through the cotton shirt, enjoying the breathy sighs and moans that he gets in response. He carefully moves from the bottom of the vertebrae to the top, digging his fingers into the places between the bumps, and rotating his knuckles over them as well. All of his focus goes into destroying any lingering pain from David's memory.

The necks is such a wonderful place, Nick thinks as he begins to rub it, fingertips moving in fast circles, because there's so much tension to release and he knows they have time constraints. When he reaches David's hair, he slows and lengthens his strokes, knowing that he can set off nerve endings there that will leave tingles down the spine, and enjoying the trembling that he can feel beneath his fingers.

David whimpers, mumbling something incoherent, and the sound makes Nick stop massaging and begin to just…explore the body under his fingers. He splays one hand on David's back and the other he lets get tangled up in David's hair. He can feel the energy between them crackle and leans forward slightly, because in this perfect moment…nothing but kissing David matters, nothing should.

tbc... 


	7. Klingon

Nick Stokes was officially trying to kill him. There was no other explanation as to why Nick thought it would be a good idea to get all intimate in the middle of a glass fish tank (the lab). There were just some things you shouldn't do in public, and making a coworker moan under your hands is definitely one of them. Especially when you were going to be called in to do an evaluation with your boss before anything could happen.

"Hodges, why are you hitting your head on the table?"

"Because Bobby wouldn't let me borrow a gun."

Archie arched an eyebrow before saying, "Does this have anything to do with the near pornographic display that took place here earlier with a certain CSI?"

"Pornographic display?"

"Jacqui's words, not mine."

He sighed, "Jacqui…why does that not surprise me?"

"choSuvchugh 'oy'lIj Daghur neH."

"What?"

"Rejmorgh SoHchugh vaj yInlIj ghur'a'?"

"Is that? No, you wouldn't." Pause. "You would…Klingon. Great time to test my memory. Uh, jIyajbe'."

"val."

"Archie…"

"Struggling only makes it hurt more. If you are a worrywart, will your life lengthen? And be clever. In that order, as presented in The Klingon Dictionary."

"How does that apply to me at all?"

Archie blinks. "It doesn't really… I just think you should stop worrying and I really like Klingon."

"If you start spouting out binary code, you're dead, because it's bad enough that you made me remember that convention you dragged me to."

"Hey Archie, Hodges."

He hits his head on the table with a thunk, "And my day just worsened."

"Now, is that any way to talk to a friend who happens to know just who it was that ate the last machine candy bar?"

Archie gaped, "That was you? Jacqui shunned poor Bobby for a week and it was you?"

He rolled his eyes and said, "No, you're hallucinating again."

"That would explain why Nick Stokes is waiting in the doorway for you."

He froze and turned to see Nick standing there, shuffling papers slightly, and wearing a small smile. He smiled back and started forward without even thinking about it, and grimaced as soon as Greg and Archie exchanged knowing glances and left. He knew that his two friends were not really leaving, they were probably hiding around the corner waiting to hear something. They would then tell Jacqui anything they heard and she would tell everyone else.

"Qu'vatlh…" He muttered darkly.

"Excuse me?"

"Oh, uh…nothing."

He could swear he heard laughing as he turned the corner with Nick, but tried to ignore it in hopes that he was wrong and Archie hadn't understood him. He would hate to have to explain to everyone why he knew how to swear in Klingon.

Archie called out, "nIch!" and laughed along with Greg.

Yep, He and Nick were going to be the talk of the lab, nIch meant ammunition. Tune in next time for 'as the lab turns.'

tbc... 


	8. Typical Men

AN: censored for your protection, see full chapter on my homepage/lj

"So…"

He nodded, "So."

"Can we just get naked already? I think I've been tortured enough for one day."

Blink. "Uh…"

"You left me in the lab with a hard on, you can at least provide eye candy."

He smiled slightly and begins to pull of his shirt. Why should he bother trying to argue with that kind of logic?

"I think there has been serious damage done to my dick."

It was an effort not to laugh, but he valiantly attempted to take off his pants without hysterically laughing at David Hodges.

"Really?"

David nodded thoughtfully, "I'm beginning to understand the term 'blue balls' in a decidedly scary way."

He couldn't keep from chuckling as he unbuttoned his soon-to-be lover's shirt. The expression on David's face was too much for him.

"You're laughing at me, aren't you?"

"No, why would I do that?"

"Because you're you."

He smiled and started in on David's pants.

"You have absolutely no consideration for those less fortunate then yourself…"

This time, he couldn't hold back his laugh.

"Ha! You were laughing at me."

"Yes, David, I was."

"You know, it's not-"

He quickly cut off the other man with a soft kiss. "Shh."

Hands grasped at his back as he plundered the warm cavern of David's mouth, he could actually feel the press of fingernails, making him wonder if he would have crescent shaped indentations on his back by the time they were done.

David's eyes were dilated and breathing as erratic as his own, hands found their way up the back of his shirt, and the sharp sting of nails on skin made him cry out in pleasure. Yes, he would definitely have marks, but he didn't care as long as David continued to touch him.

They swayed on their feet, exhausted from the best orgasms of their lives. He quickly moved them to the couch, realizing that David was practically already asleep.

"Typical man." He yawned before joining David in darkness.

tbc 


	9. Time

He awoke to the smell of coffee, Nick was gone from the couch, but was humming a country song in the kitchen. It took most of his energy to sit up and put on his pants. Wow, he was exhausted.

"Hey, you woke up."

"I think you broke me." He complained.

"Yeah, but you enjoyed it."

"I don't think men my age should orgasm that hard…ever."

Nick grinned, "You're not that old."

"Word."

Nick burst out laughing at his use of hip lingo, "Don't do that."

He shrugged at his lover and grabbed the mug from unsuspecting hands.

"Hey!"

"All is fair in love and war."

Nick stilled, face becoming serious. "Which is this?"

Good question. Now, if only he knew the answer. Oh, he fancied himself in love with Nick, but was it love? Did he truly love Nick or was this just the beginnings of love?

"I…" He stopped. "I could love you. I'm not to love just yet, but I'm getting there."

"Same here."

He sighed with relief, at least he wasn't going to have to deal with Nick not being on the same page as him.

"You know, it's funny, but you really aren't anything like what I first thought…"

"A snarky, sarcastic bastard who likes working overtime?"

Nick laughed again, "I guess I didn't…don't know you all that well."

He smiled slightly. They had been coworkers for many years, but they hadn't known one another.

"We have time though. Don't we?"

"Yes." He smiled.

They had all the time in the world

Fin An: this is the end, sadly my friends, but don't worry...I will continue to write Hodges/Nick fics. 


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